There are chances or choices

Today's blog title brought to you by Justin Vernon (of Bon Iver fame).  Please listen to his song "A Song for A Lover of Long Ago."  It will devastate you in the best way possible.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OpYKtirbA7E  When I listen to it, I think of all the people and places (primarily places.  I don't know if that's weird but oh well) who hold pieces of my heart.


Surprise!  I'm done with class for the semester!  Well, it's not a surprise, but it is surprising that this time has come so fast.  When I look back at our first few weeks in Geneva, it feels like a year ago.  And yet, it also seems like a sick joke that two months have passed.  It can't possibly have been two months!  I know everyone has experienced this type of feeling before, so I won't wax poetic, but whoa.

I basically only have one month left in Europe.  November is my last month in Switzerland before we transfer to Croatia for the last little bit of the semester.  And then?  December 8th.  Phoenix.  It seems like a world away, looming like some great monster and some great hope at once.  Of course I'm excited to see my friends and family again.  Of course I miss Mexican food and moccasins and dressing like a slob without instantly being labelled as an outsider.

But this semester, it has felt like my life has been on pause.  When I think of PLU, I imagine my little yellow house exactly the same way.  I expect everyone to still be friends with the same people, dating the same people, going to the same parties.  In my head, nothing has changed.  I know this isn't true, that life has gone on, and this kind of scares me.  Back in February, when I came back from a month of being away, there were so many things that had changed.  And they were all BIG changes.  Ones that altered the rest of the year.  Now with four months?  I can't even imagine the potential for differences.  Denial is powerful.  I can't help but believe that the boat is unrocked, that I will be able to step comfortably back into the swing of things without the slightest adjustment.

And yet, I am growing so much (and so fast) here.  I have become much more serious about my focus.  The word that I feel describes me now is HUNGRY.  I am hungry to learn more and more about the world.  I am hungry to become a part of the international community.  I am ravenous to make a difference.  I have become much more flexible and relaxed.  I've learned that control is for people who can afford it.  Me?  I live in a society where I can't understand the language most of the time.  I had to let go of desperately seeking to understand and become more of a sponge.  And guess what?  I understand what is being said in French about 80% of the time now.  It's crazy!  (My ability to speak it is more at 7%, however.  If that.)  But the point is that living in a new place, with a new family, with a new group of people, has really taught me to let go of my personal insecurities and fears.  I am who I am.  If people want me - if they like me - they can have me, just as I am.  If not?  I have all the love I could possibly ask for waiting for me in the states.

And so, here I am.  Flying where the wind takes me.  Living life at full speed while on pause.  Now, I throw myself headfirst into the Independent Study Period of my semester.  I will not have a single scheduled activity, other than interviews I set up on my own.  I will be researching like a banshee and writing like a machine in order to turn out a 30 page paper by Thanksgiving.  Oh yeah, and I'll be relaxing and traveling and having an awesome time.  My two big scheduled trips so far are to Ireland and Norway (to visit Jenn and Katie, respectively).  I am out of my mind excited to see them!!!  Other than that?  Hopefully a bunch of day trips around Switzerland!  The more of Switzerland I see, the more I become convinced that all other countries cannot possibly be as gorgeous.

Au revoir!