When morning breaks my heart won't understand

And here we are at last.  The end.

One of the things about me that I've always taken as a given is being able to figure out what I'm feeling by writing.  I can be a ball of confused emotions, but the minute I put pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard) my hands take control.  My hands know me.  They know my thoughts, my deepest secrets.  They know the things that my heart has hidden away from my brain.  They're intuitive, they're smart, and they're articulate.  Sometimes I sit down to write simply to understand myself better.  It's how I understand.  I let my mind go blank and let my hands fly.  And when I look down, I read what I've just written, and I understand.  It all makes sense when it's on the paper.  It's all true, and it's all there.  And just like that, I've unlocked my own secrets.

Here's the problem.  My hands don't even know what to write today.  I've sat down and let my fingers move over the keyboard, but every time I read what they have said, it's pointless.  It's wishy washy.  It's confused.  It's inarticulate.  How am I supposed to know how I feel today without my trusty hands to guide me?


The last few days have been hard.  In the time we've spent in Croatia, I've become quite a bit closer to the people in my program, and now we're leaving.  I had to say goodbye to a good friend this morning, and the knowledge that I may never see him again was really rough.  I think that the more I have to say goodbye, the worse I get at it.  I have such a bad habit of getting close to people right before I have to say goodbye and it makes life so difficult.  I'm struggling to say goodbye to the people, to the places, and to the adventure.

This semester has really changed the way I view the world.  I think I've really matured in the way I view myself, in the way I view others, and in the way I view the interactions of the world.  It's hard to explain.  I'm happy with these changes for sure, but I didn't think this would happen.  As someone who was fairly well traveled before this semester, I thought that I would just take everything in stride.  But there were difficulties.  There were pretty low points, but there were incredibly high points.  The wonderful thing about these peaks and dips is that I'll forget the sting of defeat but remember the lessons, and I'll always remember the joy of the better moments.  It's great how the mind works that way.

I'm not sure this post is really meaning anything beyond the cliched prattle of a college student who thinks she has the world all figured out.  I don't have the world figured out.  I know that.  But I think I accept this more so now than I did before.

And here we are at the end.  Tomorrow I transfer to Zagreb, and the next morning I will be flying home to the states.  I get a little panicky flutter in my chest every time I think about this.  I'm not ready to leave.  I'm afraid that the transition will be hard and I will feel like a failure.  I'm worried that I'll feel misunderstood.  I'm worried that life at home will feel boring.  I'm worried that I'll feel trapped.  This is the post-worry, as compared to the pre-worry that plagued me before I departed for this trip.  So much has changed.

But I'm also ready to go home.  It's time.  I've been here for 3 and a half months.  I've barely spoken to those who mean the most to me as a result of the time difference and sketchy internet connections.  I've missed my pets.  I've missed my family.  I've missed my friends.  I've missed my food.  I'm ready to feel like I know exactly what's going on in my daily life.  I'm ready to return to my routine.  I'm ready to take control again.  I'm ready to go back to PLU.  It all seems like a totally different lifetime.  I'm trying to visualize stepping off the airplane in Phoenix, and I just can't.  But I know that as surreal as it seems, it will happen.  And I can't stop time.  The best I can do is deal with the changes as they come.

So here it is.  The end.  I don't know how many times I have to say that before it seems real.  I can't convey the spread of my emotions right now...the depth of my sadness at the conclusion of this adventure, the height of my anxiety about reintegration, the gravity of my excitement to see loved ones.  It's enough.  Enough for now.

The curiosity is endless.  The world awaits yet.

Find My Direction Magnetically

"Such is the way of the world

you can't ever know

just where to put all your faith

and how will it grow

Gonna rise up

burning back holes into memory

gonna rise up

turn mistakes into gold

Such is the passage of time

too fast to fold

and suddenly swallowed by signs

lo and behold

Gonna rise up

find my direction magnetically

gonna rise up

throw down my ace in the hole."

The lyrics above are from the song "Rise" by Eddie Vedder from the movie "Into the Wild."  It's one of the songs I listen to quite often.  On the one hand, it serves to give me strength when I'm feeling wimpy and whiny and generally tired.  On the other, I listen to it as my own personal anthem when I'm feeling triumphant.  Today, it's a little bit of both.

I'm wimpy, whiny, and tired because I only have 6 days left of this incredible adventure.  I keep telling myself how wonderful it will be to go home, but there's a part of me that is so reluctant to leave and is afraid of the transition.  I guess that's how it is at the end of anything great.  I'm triumphant because I'm really happy about my life right now socially, academically, and geographically.

Since being in Croatia, life has been kind of a sleepy blur.  I realize I've posted once about Pula already, so I'm sorry if this is repetitive.  The first days were spent frantically completing my paper (which was a critical analysis of development aid from a security perspective and, including appendices, was 48 pages long).  Since then, I have presented said paper (45 minutes of presentation and the question and answer period, both of which went very well) and relaxed.  I am now officially done with my work for this semester, which is a great relief.  Our resort is very nice, but a ways out of town. As such, it's kind of a hassle to get into Pula, and honestly there isn't much to do in town either.  So it's kind of been a bit boring, but still nice.

I've spent the last few days wandering around town, discussing international relations as well as all sorts of things with the other kids on the trip (by the way, I'm really going to miss only hanging out with other international relations kids.  It's really easy to nerd out and have a great conversation about the ramifications of the ethnic conflict in Bosnia on today's EU.  I guess I won't have that as much at home), watching Bond movies on the big screen in the conference room, celebrating the end of work, and swimming in the hotel's pool.  It's a pretty nice life, but I miss Switzerland soooooo much.  It's been very smooth as far as transitions go, but still.  I think I just don't like transition periods.

The primary intent of this post was to share my playlist for the semester.  I've been keeping a list of all the songs that have been stuck in my head - both meaningful to my situation and just for fun - so that I can always recall the emotions of the semester.  I'm someone who has a tendency to think more than to feel, and so I utilize music to really capture what emotions are hiding under the thoughtful analysis of my situation.  I started doing this last year, when I e-mailed home about something that really bummed me out, and got two classic responses.  The one from my mom was so much in her voice: compassionate, thoughtful, and feeling my pain. The one from my dad was what really made me smile.  It was only two sentences long, and I forget the first sentence, but the second was "What song are you feeling right now?"

These are the songs I've been feeling all semester.  It's also just a good playlist (in my opinion).  I'm not asking all you readers to go out and buy these songs, but here they are in case you want to read them.  If not, check out now!  I'll catch you later.

Geneva Playlist:

1. In Your Atmosphere - John Mayer

2. World Spins Madly On - The Weepies

3. Graceland - Paul Simon

4. Defying Gravity - Glee Cast

5. Stand by Me - Playing for Change

6. Rise - Eddie Vedder

7. Change of Time - Josh Ritter

8. Wildflowers - Tom Petty

9. Wagon Wheel - Mumford & Sons

10. Song for You - Alexi Murdoch

11. Telephone - Pomplamoose

12. Wait - Alexi Murdoch

13. Cello Song - The Books feat. Jose Gonzalez

14. Train Song - Feist & Ben Gibbard

15. Brackett, WI - Bon Iver

16. I Was Young When I Left Home - Antony with Bryce Dessner

17. Orange Sky - Alexi Murdoch

18. I And Love And You - The Avett Brothers

19. Awake My Soul - Mumford & Sons

20. Terrible Love - The National

21. This is the Song (Good Luck) - Punch Brothers

22. Lover of the Light - Mumford & Sons

23. Windmills - Toad the Wet Sprocket

So there it is.  The musical chronicle of my successes, failures, despairs, and joys of the adventure semester.   Perhaps the most personal information I could ever put out in the blogosphere, but unless you know me REALLY REALLY WELL it's just a playlist with some really great songs (plus a couple cheesy ones).

Enjoy!

"But if the best is for the best..."

"...I guess the best is to blame."

Today's blog has a slightly melancholy beginning, a stunning middle (not really), and a happy ending.  I just thought I would let you know in case you wanted to skip to a certain emotion.

Melancholy Beginning:
Well, really it was the ending that was melancholy.  Last Saturday was my last day in Switzerland.  Because our program is only an accredited university in the states, and not in Switzerland, we didn't get student visas, so we had to leave the Schengen Zone after 90 days.  I knew this going into the program and was excited for our Croatian adventure at the end of the program, but it felt too soon.

It was really hard for me to leave.  It's been an incredible dream to live in between the Alps and the Jura, to look over Lac Leman every day on the way to the city, and to walk home alongside vineyards.  Switzerland has burrowed so deeply into my heart that it was such a struggle to get on that train with all of my bags and leave.

It was also really hard to say goodbye to my host family.  In fact, it was much  more so than I thought it would be.  I always consider myself a tough girl,  but I became a big mush-ball when my siblings came into my room one by one to say goodbye to me and wish me luck in the next stage of my life.  It's so strange to have watched them grow over the course of the months and to feel a part of their successes and failures, and to know that it is over now.  It feels very abrupt.  It was especially hard to say goodbye to my host mom.  She brought me to the train station very early in the morning and stood with me on the platform in the cold.  She kept reiterating how much she would miss me, what a great semester it had been, and how I was always welcome back at their house.  If I hadn't been so sleepy I probably would have been bawling.  I tried my best to convey my gratitude in my limited French...I hope she understands what she has meant to me.

Stunning Middle:
We traveled for 13 hours by train out of Geneva.  You would think that our directors would have booked us a plane instead of a train, but no.  That would be too easy.  As it was, we utilized every nook and cranny we found in the train to shove all of our luggage on (28 people x 3 months worth of stuff?  MAYHEM.).  It was a huge hassle getting everything on, but on our transfer we organized ourselves (and by we, I mean the students.  The directors are useless.) and managed to get everyone plus all the baggage off the train in 1.5 minutes.  It was quite a feat.

This is about half of the stuff from our group.  It was absolute mayhem.

The first few days in Croatia were spent in self-imposed lock down.  Our big papers were due the day before Thanksgiving, so everyone was sprawled out throughout the hotel, typing as fast as possible.  In the end, we all triumphed!  My paper was 48 pages, 30 of which were body text.  It was rough at the end, but I'm happy with what I completed.  I have my 30 minute presentation on Wednesday, and then I am officially done with classes for the semester!  Not a bad life.

Happy ending:
Since completing the paper, we have spent the past few days celebrating and exploring Pula.  It's a very pretty place that feels much different than anywhere I have ever been.  It's a little run down, but still clearly developed, and I can only imagine how different it must be during summertime.  Our hotel (resort, really) is out of town, but we can easily get to the city center on a bus that stops nearby, so it's not a problem.

The currency here is a happy departure from the Swiss franc.  They use the Kuna here, and the exchange rate is about 5 Kuna to 1 USD.  It's nice.  What's even nicer is that everything is so much cheaper here than it would be in Switzerland!  I was shopping today and saw something I liked.  When I picked it up to look at the price, I saw 12 and thought that was a reasonable price.  I was thinking 12 francs (about 12 USD).  So I while I considered 12 francs a fair price, they considered 12 kuna a fair price!  That's under 3 dollars!  Plus movies here are 15 kuna.  THAT'S 3 DOLLARS.  It's incredible how grateful I am for these prices after living for 3 months in one of the most expensive cities in the world.

A few of us went on a walk down by the water the other day.  Over the course of the walk, I really came to appreciate Pula.  It was a semi-stormy day, so the water kind of had that angry tinge to it.  It kept crashing up on the rocks and generally being awesome.  I took about a million pictures, because I just couldn't get over how gorgeous it was.  I live a very blessed life.

Just a resting point on our walk.  My life is so far from average.

You'll find me in that place where the sea meets the sky

The countdown to Phoenix has now reached 10 days.  I'm still not feeling ready.  I was hoping at this point I would be extraordinarily  homesick or exhausted or broke or something.  Anything to make me feel like I want to leave and go back to the states.  But that's not the case.  I am excited to see everyone and to be home for Christmas, but it's going to be hard.  It's going to be hard to enter back into my stateside reality, where I'm not lucky enough to spend every waking minute walking through scenes worthy of a post card.  I've started to consider myself lucky that I always feel so chagrined to leave the place I was staying, whether it be Washington, Geneva, or Croatia.  I think it means that, while I'll always have these little pinpricks in my heart where those places belong, I was lucky to have that.  I know not everyone is able to travel like I have been able to, and I am so grateful for the opportunities and the guts to do so.

10 days until I'm among the cacti once again.  Everyone has to return to their roots now and then!

See you all soon.

Everywhere I seem to be, I am only passing through.

"So I'll sit perfectly still
And I'll listen for a tune
While my mind is on the moon."

Let's be really honest for a moment and admit this:  I am the queen of denial.  I can't admit to myself that in two days, I am leaving Geneva.  Maybe not forever, but for the foreseeable future.  And while this semester has had its trials and tribulations, I am not ready to leave.

So my head is convincing me I have all the time in the world.  Of course, this causes logistical issues (such as packing...I haven't started yet).  But mostly it's just really hard to wrap my head around as I walk through Geneva.  I've been trying to force myself to understand that tomorrow... tomorrow?  It's a day of lasts.

Last walks to the bus stop, looking at the snow on the Jura
Last train rides
Last cafe au lait and pan au chocolat for breakfast
Last time flashing my badge to get past UN security
Last time studying in such an important place
Last views of the lake and the jet d'eau
Last time jay walking with the rest of the Genevoise
Last time getting lunch from Migros
Last dinner with my host family
Last night in my room with the Justin Bieber posters

I feel like I'm someone who understands and accepts change.  I move on when things get boring.  I'm a committment-phobe in many aspects of my life.  And yet, I'm not ready for this to end.  I'm not ready to go back to life in the states.  In the states, life is complicated.  Life is complicated by my history, by my future.  Life is complicated by obligations, by expectations.  This semester has been so removed from that; it has been freeing.  There will be no more weekend trips to the Alps.  There will be no more train rides to sort out my thoughts as the landscape beats by.  There will be no more of that.  It will be an intermission in my relationship with Switzerland.  And I'm not feeling very ready for that intermission.

I know Croatia will be great fun, and I'm looking forward to that.  I am also looking forward to seeing my family and friends back in the states.  But does it have to be so soon?

I just want time to stand still for once in my life.  I want to stop moving so fast.  I want to break this cycle of leaving people who are important to me because my transient lifestyle necessitates it.  But this isn't possible.  The best I can do is try to keep sprinting along in time to catch every moment as it comes, because I'm sure as hell not going to miss anything because I'm looking over my shoulder.

Genève, tu vas me manquer.

"Tell the ones who need to know..."

"...we are headed North."

Or rather, I just returned from the North.  But it still seemed fitting (this post's title brought to you by The Avett Brothers).

This last weekend, I made a trip to Norway to visit Katie!  There were three main motivations for my visit.

1. To see Katie, who I missed (and miss again...already) immensely.

2. To see the place where Glenn studied abroad.

3. To hopefully visit a magical, snowy, winter wonderland.

I was not disappointed on a single front!

I started off my adventure with a bang.  European men are rather pushy and aggressive, and this one man would simply not leave me alone on the train.  I eventually got rid of him, but the funny part was that he initially told me he was from the Soviet Union.  The Soviet Union??  Instead of making fun of him or making some comment I might have made if I were not alone, I asked "Umm, where in the Soviet Union?"  He told me he was from Chechnya.  I guess they're a little behind the times in Chechnya and still think the Soviet Union exists...

I got in on Friday night and was met at the train station in Hamar by Katie and Noreen.  We had a joyous  little reunion and then walked to their apartment building.  It was pretty cold, but I packed a ton of warm things at Katie's suggestion, so I was good to go.  We dropped my stuff off and went grocery shopping.  I've decided that one of my favorite things to do in a foreign country is go grocery shopping because you see real people in their normal lives and what they actually eat.  In Norway, I was jealous of the Mexican food aisle and disgusted by the fish in a tube.  We then had family dinner, and played some Spanish drinking games.  After so many months of French, it was fun to hear Spanish spoken again.  The people we were playing with were from Spain, so the accent was different from what I'm accustomed to, but I could still understand enough to chuckle a little when one of the girls said something, paused, and then said that we couldn't understand her.  Oh, the joys of understanding other languages.  During this period of time, it began to snow!  We went dancing, had late night kebabs, and then went to bed.

The next day, there was definitely snow on the ground, which excited me greatly.  Katie and Noreen took me to Lillehammer to go to the Nansen Center (where they're doing their field work) and their teacher/advisor/mentor/brunette Santa Claus took us around the city and got us into a couple of museums for free.  Lillehammer was absolutely gorgeous covered in snow.  It took us a while to actually get to the Nansen Center from the train station because we all kept stopping to take pictures.  But how could we stop ourselves??

Probably the most Christmas-y thing I've ever seen

Gorgeous church and cemetary in Lillehammer

See what I mean?  Stunning.  I think my favorite part of the day was going to the Olympic jump.  It may be because I'm such a geek for the Olympics, but I always get overly excited to see anything linked to the Olympics (remember my trip to the Olympic museum in Lausanne?  Yeah, I turn into a giddy five year old).  Their advisor (or whatever he is) Steinar, drove us to the top, and then we climbed the millions of stairs down and he picked us up at the bottom.  That was definitely the way to do it; I would NEVER want to climb UP all those stairs.  But the view was absolutely gorgeous and we had a wonderful time traipsing through the snow, and - at least in my case - pretending we were Olympians.

Nothing like a good, steep drop.

Katie and I at a flat portion of the ski jump area.  Note the snow covering our shoes (mine are originally all black).  Thank goodness for water proofing agents!

After this, we went to a museum that had a Munch/Warhol exhibit (Warhol twice in one year?  What lucky lives we lead).  We went back to Hamar at some point - I'm really iffy on the time because I was thrown off by how much earlier it gets darker in Norway than in Geneva.  I shouldn't have been surprised. - and had taco night!  Mexican food is one of the things I miss the most about the states, so this was a very good thing.

We then had movie night.  I have to elaborate on this to prove that Katie is the absolute best friend ever.  One night last Spring, we didn't want to go out with everyone else, so we convinced Jenn and Deanne to let us stay in their room for the evening.  We watched Bring It On together, and at the end of the night, Jenn returned to find Katie asleep on her bed with a muffin in hand, and me with cornrows in my hair (courtesy of Katie) singing along to "Hey Mickey" by myself.  Needless to say, this is one of my favorite nights on record.  Katie surprised me in Norway by getting a projector from school and getting Bring It On, so we had a mini-reprise of that night.  It was the best :)

Sunday we bummed around the apartment and had a relaxing day seeing the sights in Hamar.  It's a really pretty little town, made even prettier by the wintry atmosphere.

Lake Mjosa by afternoon sunset

Once again, Katie is the best ever, and understood that I wanted to see all the places Glenn saw as a way to connect with him from thousands of miles away.  As such, after a dinner of fried rice, she and Noreen took me to the Hydranten, which is the student bar in town.  We had a fun evening there laughing at the Norwegians singing along (quite robustly) to songs such as "Living on a Prayer."  We decided to leave when Katie's ghost struck.  The first time this weekend we experienced the ghost was when there was chocolate mysteriously missing from the fridge.  We had bought a couple of bars to break up for cookies, and one morning there was just a row missing from one of the bars.  We had no idea who did it or when it possibly could have happened (or why they didn't go for the Swiss chocolate I had brought...).  Ghost!  At the Hydranten, the ghost reappeared when a few votive candles fell off a ledge and splattered wax all over the back of Katie's shirt.  I literally do not think there is an explanation in line with the laws of physics for how this happened.  Ghost.

Monday, we hung around the apartment, made breakfast sandwiches around noon, and then I hit the road in the early afternoon.  Overall, it was a wonderful trip :)

As of today, I have 5 days left in Geneva.  After these 5 days are up, I have 18 days in Croatia, and then I head back to Phoenix.  I honestly had no idea time could pass this fast.  It seem surreal that I'm already at the end of this semester.  I'm not ready for it to be over!  I think I might be ready to be back in the states soon, but I'm not ready to leave Europe.  I want to be in two places at once, and sometimes I don't want to be in any of the places.  How is this possible?  Well, I guess the only way to live life is to roll with the punches and go where the wind takes you.  Currently, the wind is compelling me to work on my ISP, so I must conclude this mammoth of a post.  Love you all, miss you all, and will see you all soon!

Home is Wherever I'm With You

And THIS entry's title is brought to you not by Josh Ritter (please, contain your shock) but by Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros.  Hooray for change!

I seem to be falling behind in my correspondence these days and for that I apologize!  It was now a week ago that I visited my friend Jenn in Ireland.  So let's talk about it now!

First and foremost, it was so wonderful to see Jenn.  The moment I saw her, a sort of calm descended on me.  It was like I could let go and just hang out with my best friend, who I trust with every minute secret in my life.  The first night, I arrived in Galway fairly late at night, hurriedly got dressed in my Halloween costume, and we went out to the club.  I really am going to miss being able to go to clubs when I get back to the states.  I mean, first of all I won't be able to legally drink for another 7 months, and secondly the clubs in the states gross me out.  Sorry, off topic.

Over the course of the next couple of days, we explored the city of Cork, wandered around Galway quite a bit, and did many classically Irish things (go to the Saturday market, eat fish and chips, walk along the water, get caught in crazy rain, have a guinness at a pub that has live Irish music, etc.)  I had so much fun.  It's funny, because Ireland is now the first place I have visited that was exactly what I expected.  I don't know if it's because Jenn described it so well or because we did all the cliche things, but the scenery, the people, the buildings, the activities, etc. were very much what I expected, which was really amusing and awesome.

Mostly, it was just so great to spend time with Jenn.  For all I cared, we could have spent the weekend in her apartment.  After spending so much time away from everyone I know and love, it was refreshing and invigorating to see her.  We spent a lot of time catching up and having deep talks about this moment in our lives.  It really feels like we're at such a juncture in our lives where we're living the dream and trying to figure out where to go from here.  It's a lot of fun, but a lot of pressure.  To talk to someone who so fully understands who I am, where I'm coming from, what I want to do/be, and the way I think?  It felt so good and relieved so much of the underlying stress I previously had not admitted to myself.  It was incredibly difficult to say goodbye at the end of the trip, knowing I won't see her again until January.  Hopefully the time will fly!


Back in Switzerland...we're in the middle of our ISP period, which is the month in which we have no scheduled classes.  It's all time for research and interviews and writing our 30 page paper that's due the day before Thanksgiving.  I have never devoted myself so fully to a subject before, and it feels good.  It feels good to dive headlong into a topic and to try to forge connections and provide analysis that is original.  It feels good to be so focused and so enjoying it that I know that I'm doing what I'm meant to be doing.

Everyday I go to the UN library to do research and work.  I flash my badge, go through the metal detector, and head to the library building, where I spend much of the day reading books and doing work online.  It's intense, but it's fun.  It's especially fun when I realize how much I feel I'm a part of the rhythm here.  I know some of the security guards, and we chat when I walk in.  I get annoyed on heavy tourist days, and find myelf hurrying along with other people (who are surely more important than I).  It makes me feel very grown up, which is terrifying.  But it also makes me feel like I'm playing dress-up in some more legitimate person's life, which is really fun.

This morning, there was snow on the mountains and the water of the lake was very calm.  I'm going to miss this place.  If I don't count days I'm spending in Norway, I only have 8 days left in Switzerland.  EIGHT DAYS.  It's absolutely unreal how fast time is passing.  And then I have to return to real life?  Yikes.

Cheese.

My host parents and I talk about cheese a lot.  Debates about whether hard cheese or soft cheese is better, whether the cheese we just ate tastes more like nuts or more like herbs, etc.  And tonight we had raclette (a traditional Swiss dish of melted cheese and potatoes and such, but different than fondue in its preparation) so there was all kinds of opportunities to talk about cheese.  I like when conversation turns to food...that's a universal language for me!  It's easy enough to say "Oui, j'aime bien!" or "Non, n'est pas plus bon que l'autre." or my personal favorite: "J'aime tout le frommage!"  I am well aware that grammatically these may not all be accurate,  but it gets the point across.

Today's "wine hike" in St. Saphorin (a 20 minute train ride from Nyon)

TOMORROWTOMORROWTOMORROWTOMORROW.
Tomorrow I go to Ireland to see JENN.  I am beyond excited.  I am like the dog, getting all wiggly at the idea.  It's a little embarrassing.  Today a few of us went on a day hike with stops along the way for wine tasting (I swear, it's programmed into the hike.  I'm not lying!) and all I could talk about was a) how gorgeous the view was and b) how excited I was to go visit Jenn.

SO.  EXCITED.



P.S.  The internet is loving me today, so I added some pictures to old blogs.  Feel free to check it out if you're so inclined.

There are chances or choices

Today's blog title brought to you by Justin Vernon (of Bon Iver fame).  Please listen to his song "A Song for A Lover of Long Ago."  It will devastate you in the best way possible.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OpYKtirbA7E  When I listen to it, I think of all the people and places (primarily places.  I don't know if that's weird but oh well) who hold pieces of my heart.


Surprise!  I'm done with class for the semester!  Well, it's not a surprise, but it is surprising that this time has come so fast.  When I look back at our first few weeks in Geneva, it feels like a year ago.  And yet, it also seems like a sick joke that two months have passed.  It can't possibly have been two months!  I know everyone has experienced this type of feeling before, so I won't wax poetic, but whoa.

I basically only have one month left in Europe.  November is my last month in Switzerland before we transfer to Croatia for the last little bit of the semester.  And then?  December 8th.  Phoenix.  It seems like a world away, looming like some great monster and some great hope at once.  Of course I'm excited to see my friends and family again.  Of course I miss Mexican food and moccasins and dressing like a slob without instantly being labelled as an outsider.

But this semester, it has felt like my life has been on pause.  When I think of PLU, I imagine my little yellow house exactly the same way.  I expect everyone to still be friends with the same people, dating the same people, going to the same parties.  In my head, nothing has changed.  I know this isn't true, that life has gone on, and this kind of scares me.  Back in February, when I came back from a month of being away, there were so many things that had changed.  And they were all BIG changes.  Ones that altered the rest of the year.  Now with four months?  I can't even imagine the potential for differences.  Denial is powerful.  I can't help but believe that the boat is unrocked, that I will be able to step comfortably back into the swing of things without the slightest adjustment.

And yet, I am growing so much (and so fast) here.  I have become much more serious about my focus.  The word that I feel describes me now is HUNGRY.  I am hungry to learn more and more about the world.  I am hungry to become a part of the international community.  I am ravenous to make a difference.  I have become much more flexible and relaxed.  I've learned that control is for people who can afford it.  Me?  I live in a society where I can't understand the language most of the time.  I had to let go of desperately seeking to understand and become more of a sponge.  And guess what?  I understand what is being said in French about 80% of the time now.  It's crazy!  (My ability to speak it is more at 7%, however.  If that.)  But the point is that living in a new place, with a new family, with a new group of people, has really taught me to let go of my personal insecurities and fears.  I am who I am.  If people want me - if they like me - they can have me, just as I am.  If not?  I have all the love I could possibly ask for waiting for me in the states.

And so, here I am.  Flying where the wind takes me.  Living life at full speed while on pause.  Now, I throw myself headfirst into the Independent Study Period of my semester.  I will not have a single scheduled activity, other than interviews I set up on my own.  I will be researching like a banshee and writing like a machine in order to turn out a 30 page paper by Thanksgiving.  Oh yeah, and I'll be relaxing and traveling and having an awesome time.  My two big scheduled trips so far are to Ireland and Norway (to visit Jenn and Katie, respectively).  I am out of my mind excited to see them!!!  Other than that?  Hopefully a bunch of day trips around Switzerland!  The more of Switzerland I see, the more I become convinced that all other countries cannot possibly be as gorgeous.

Au revoir!

New Worlds for the Weary

"[...] New lands for the living
I could make it if I tried
I closed my eyes I kept on swimming..."

Once again: name that tune utilized in the blog title! (And once again, Josh Ritter narrates my life.)

I was originally going to post this tonight and then I thought I shouldn't because I should really go to bed but then I uploaded pictures to facebook and my heart got all swelled with love for the mountains and I needed it to overflow into the blogosphere and the point is I'm here now.  I think any teacher I've ever had would be really proud of that sentence I just put together.

This last weekend I, along with three other friends from the program, went to Grindelwald.  Grindelwald (not to be confused with Gimelwald) is a small village in the German region of Switzerland.  It's nestled into a valley between some of the most stunning mountains in the world (in my opinion) including the Eiger and the Jungfrau.  The town itself is so picturesque it makes you a little nauseous.  In a good way, of course.  There are cows everywhere with bells around their necks and so many gorgeous trees and mountains and wooden houses and it's generally stunning.

Day 1:

We woke up VERY EARLY to catch the 5:50 am train out of Nyon and arrived in Grindelwald around 9:30 am.  We dropped off our stuff at our deserted hostel (they're in between summer and winter seasons right now, so it's pretty empty in town) and headed off on our first hike on the Bussalp trail (now you can google maps it, Daddy).  We all started off together, and were quickly breathing very heavily and shedding layers upon layers of clothing.  Fiona and Elisabeth decided to split off and take the baby trail to the top, which led them on a gently winding, paved road that climbed on a slight incline up the mountain.  Jack and I, however, decided to carry on and headed straight up the valley at about a 50 degree incline.  It was brutal and I was whiny and slow and generally dying, but Jack was patient and the views were incredible at every step.

We finally got to the top and met up with the other girls.  They had been at the restaurant for 45 minutes and had barely broken a sweat on their hike.  Meanwhile I could literally wipe straight up salt off my forehead from the sweat.  Yum.  We had a late lunch, went back to the hostel, showered, hung out, and then went to a place called Uncle Tom's Cabin (I kid you not) for dinner.  Afterwards we played on a playground and then went to bed early.

We hiked right up through this valley.  Very steep and VERY beautiful.

Day 2:


Fiona left us to go see her grandparents in Bern, so the three of us continued without our translator (Fiona is bilingual in English and Swiss German.  Very helpful.).  Pretty soon after waking up, we began our adventures of the second day.

Elisabeth decided to have a leisurely day: relax and then take the train up the mountain and meet us at the Jungfrau.  Jack and I, however, were feeling ambitious.  We took a train to Alpiglen and there began our ascent of the Eiger trail.  This trail was not as brutal as the one the day before because although it was super steep in places, there were also flat sections to temper it.

The Eiger.  The Eiger the Eiger the North Face of the Eiger.  I don't even know what to say.  We hiked along the base of it for a solid three hours, always keeping it on our left as we made our way towards Eigergletscher.  It is really an imposing piece of rock.  It blocked the sun (there are worse places to be than in the shadow of the Eiger) and loomed over us the entire hike.  It reminded me of my mortality and my infinite nature at once.  It's the kind of mountain that you look at and lose sense of yourself.  You see it, and you can't hear your belabored breathing anymore.  All you can hear is the silence of this mountain.  The dignified silence of a beast that needs no words to make itself understood.  Unreal.

The beast.  The Eiger.

Once we made our way to Eigergletscher (climbing from 1615 m to 2320 m), we waited around for a cogwheel to take us to the Jungfraujoch.  The Jungfrau is pretty famous and is known often by it's moniker "The Top of Europe."  Because we got there so late in the day and because it isn't peak season, we were fortunate enough to not have to dodge a million tourists.  So we wandered around and saw some spectacular views of snow and mountains and the world below.

Sometimes I just have to stop and remind myself how lucky I am.  From Arizona to Colorado to Washington to Italy to China to Argentina to Antarctica to Switzerland...I am so grateful for the opportunities I have been given and for the world I have seen.  It is so immense and so full of grace and warmth and austerity and sincerity and reality and and and and.  It's my true love, the one which will never change and will never love me back and for that I am eternally indebted.  There's something about being so insignificant in your surroundings that just fills me with such a sense of relief and wonder that it can sometimes be overwhelming.  I felt this often in Antarctica and felt it again this weekend.

I keep telling myself: Just stop to look up.  Stop to recognize where you are, what your surroundings are whispering to you.  Where is home?  Where is your heart?  Where is your mind?  Who are you?  Who are you when it is just you and the mountain, and nothing is expected of you?  And the most beautiful moment: when all of that ceases to matter and it's only your heartbeat in the shadow of the mountain.

I'm Feeling Something for the Constellations...

In case you're ever confused by my titles, they are often song lyrics.  Clever, I know.  This one is from a Josh Ritter song (I'm so predictable sometimes) called "Right Moves."  There's a line in which he asks "Did you look up at the stars / and feel something for the constellations?"  And my response right now is a resounding yes.

I have been remiss in blogging, so pretend I just returned from a week long adventure in which I visited Brussels, Paris, and Nice! (This actually happened two weeks ago, and I will talk about this past weekend in a separate post.) There is SO MUCH to say, but I think it would be unfortunate to have a mile long blog post, so I'm going to try to limit myself.

Brussels:

Brussels is a quirky little city with a distinct personality.  It is famous for it's chocolate, waffles, beer, and the statue of the peeing boy.  I can assure you that the former three are indeed delicious, and the latter is small and very strange.

While in Brussels, we attended briefings at the European Commission (this was a school excursion, after all) and then pretty much wandered around the city for the rest of the visit.  I swear I traipsed from one end of that city to the other and saw every building in between.  My favorite was the Cathedral de Saint Michel et Gudula.  It's an absolutely stunning place.  When we first wandered in, it was Sunday night and there was a service going on in which (I think) they were installing a new priest, which meant that we got to see the bishop!  Plus the organ was pretty cool.  I ended up going to that cathedral three times.  One of these times was for a free organ concert in which the most incredible choir sang.  It was awesome.

On a less holy note, we also "visited" another famous Belgian establishment: Delirium.  In case you haven't heard of it it's a bar that has 2,004 or more beers at any given time.  The fun part is that you can order it in a boot, which is a liter of beer (which is A LOT to have in front of you at one time) in a glass shaped like a boot.  This led to some classic "Das Boot" jokes.  Of course.

We also went to the Royal Art Museum, ate moules frites (mussels and french fries, a Brussels classic) and generally enjoyed ourselves.

Brussels is kooky.

Paris:


I'm going to admit something right now: I didn't think I was going to like Paris.  It seemed way too hyped.  I mean, the most romantic city, the city of lights, so on and so forth.  I figured it couldn't possibly live up to it, and it was going to seem very fake and contrived in it's efforts to do so.

This is not the case.  I found Paris very genuine and I absolutely LOVED IT.  My program, in another wonderful stroke, got us a hotel literally across the street from the Moulin Rouge.  The Moulin Rouge is mildly glamorous, but it is also in the middle of a working sex district.  It was amusing and shocking to walk out of the subway and end up in the middle of this.  Eye opening!

I saw the big sights in Paris, of course, which was lovely.  The Eiffel Tower, Champs Elysees, Arc de Triomphe, Louvre, Notre Dame, Sacre Coeur, etc.  I think my favorite was the Sacre Coeur.  It's at the top of this massive hill, so you have to climb a million and a half stairs to get there, but standing on the steps gives you an incredible view of Paris.  Plus the inside of the cathedral was just stunning.  I may be in the minority, but I liked it better than the Notre Dame.

Another fun aspect of the trip to Paris was seeing my old friend from Phoenix, Adam.  We had facebooked each other about our respective locations (he's studying in France this semester) and we planned to meet up in Paris.  He and I (plus a few kids from my program and his friend, Rose) went to dinner together and we caught up.  It was such a strange thing to see someone so very clearly reminiscent of years past while in a foreign place.  A strange dichotomy, but a fun one.

I was a little amused to realize that most of my associations with Paris were from the movie "Ratatouille."  I don't know if I should be embarrassed to admit it or not, but it is what it is.

Totally Ratatouille, no?  The view from the Sacre Coeur cathedral.

I'm sorry I just blazed through everything, but if you want to hear the mile-long story of the whole week, just e-mail me or something.  I don't want to burden the blogosphere with all the details!


Hopefully I'll post about this weekend sometime tonight...

Filler

Hello, blogosphere!

I'm leaving tomorrow and will return next Monday (that's 8 days people, can you survive that long?).  During this period, I will be spending time in Brussels, Paris, and Nice.  It should be pretty fantastic!

Essentially, this is a post to tell you I won't be posting for a week.  Maybe I'm thinking too highly of myself to think that anyone checks this more than once every other week, but it's ok.  Also, I think I FINALLY figured out my phone situation!!!  At the very least, I am now able to send and receive texts domestically!  Thank goodness.  It was getting difficult there, and now if I get lost in Paris I can find my group the old-fashioned way :)

I was going to insert a picture of the cob here to showcase how awesome he is, but it's being too slow.  I don't want to wait another ten minutes, so you'll all have to wait.

My recent train jam has been "Big Red Machine" by Justin Vernon and Aaron Dessner.  (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FaIx2kBC8_A) Check it out...it's a stunning piece of work.  I do love me some melancholy train jams.  There's something so wonderful about a painfully sad song while you're rolling through the Swiss countryside in full view of the lake and rolling green and vineyards and all.  It's so wonderful it makes you ache, you know?

"Americans! Not here to kill anyone, I hope."

First off, I would like to make a point of clarification.  My mother seems to think I don't love her or don't miss her or something and thinks that the lyrics in the previous post were not directed at her.  They were PRIMARILY directed at her.  I hope you feel better now, Mama!

I have returned from the German-speaking part of Switzerland!  Let me be the first to express surprise about this, but I have NEVER been so happy to hear French in my life.  Swiss German is totally beyond me.  And when I say totally, I mean it: it's hard to be polite when  you don't know how to say hello or please or thank you or any of the words fundamental to the politesse.

Nonetheless, I enjoyed Bern greatly.  The capital of Switzerland, this town feels a lot smaller than Geneva and much more historic.  While there, we attended briefings (some interesting, some not so much), took a walking tour of the city, explored quite a bit, and generally tried to immerse ourselves in the culture.  In my opinion the best parts of the city were the bear park (no longer the bear pit, seeing as that was inhumane and all), the cathedral, and the view behind the parliament building.  See above, and you (like I!) will wonder how the Swiss parliament ever gets ANYTHING done.  The cathedral was great because I'm a sucker for a good pieta but I know not everyone else, so I'll spare you.  However, it would be cruel to omit a picture of the baby bears.  Inhumane, even.

See??  The best. (P.S. can you tell I'm excited that I learned how to insert pictures?)  Also the best were the incredible tortas we found at a Mexican food stand in the market.  Be still, my heart.

Not the best was being the recipient of much anti-American sentiment in Bern.  One of my good friends on this trip lived in Bern for a while so she is fluent in Swiss German (which is different from High German) and unfortunately for her was able to understand all the comments made about us as we walked around.  She passed some on in her anger, and most were just rude and petty and often concerned our appearances.  However, at one point we were walking around in a group of four and a man on the side of the road yelled out in English, "Americans!  Not here to kill anyone, I hope."  That one stung a little bit.  I understand its origin entirely; I've never been entirely proud of US military action and the more I learn about international relations the more I realize the US has done some really terrible things.  However, it was bizarre to be one of group of four colllege-aged girls walking down the street and to hear this.  As much as I try to distance myself from my cultural identity by clinging to my interest in international relations, I realize that I am affiliated with my government's actions.  I suppose it is this that I struggle with the most.  I can vote against a candidate or a proposition, but in the end, my international identity is determined by the masses.  It stings, especially since I would venture to guess that most people who were in support of the illicit military actions fueling this disdain would never be studying multilateral diplomacy in Geneva.  It was a rude awakening, but one that was inevitable.


Onto a happier subject!  After the excursion ended, a group of nine girls (including myself) chose to go to Lucerne/Luzerne/L____ (too many languages here!).  We got in on Friday afternoon and unpacked into our hostel which was surprisingly neat and spacious for the price.  We unpacked, relaxed, wandered around a little bit, had a great Italian dinner (hello, Risotto) and then had the true hostel experience.  Our door was open a crack, and guys kept poking their heads in to say hello.  At first it was pretty surprising, but we got used to it quickly and made the best of it.  Apparently a group of nine American girls in a hostel attracts some attention...(Don't worry, parents!  It's all ok!)  We met people from a variety of places, but ended up spending the evening with some Canadians from Montreal and some guys from California.  At one point we were in the lounge singing Beatles songs together...very campy but very fun!  It was nice to have some companionship from outside the program and definitely negated any chance of monotony.

We went to bed pretty late and had to wake up at 9 to check out of the hostel.  As my friend Fiona said upon opening the blinds, "It's a harsh, harsh world out there."  Well worth it, though.  We wandered around by the lake, got free samples of some awesome cheese at a cheese festival, got nostalgic for the Great Johnston European Adventure, and then headed up Mount Pilatus.  We took a gondola up and up and up and up, seeing what Switzerland is truly made of.  And let me tell you, it is beautiful.

After changing gondolas, we ascended into the clouds.  We had gained quite a bit of altitude, and suddenly everything around us was just white.  It was a little freaky and a lot awesome.  Once on top of the mountain, most members of the group instantly began whining about how cold it was and went into the gift shop.  I was having none of that and wandered outside, where I was gifted with the most incredible cloud break.  Ever.

It may be difficult to see on the pictures, but this is a purely white sky with a single break, revealing snowy mountains.  Is this real life??  We wandered around in caves and clouds for the afternoon.  After being serenaded over hot chocolate by about 40 Swiss frat-ish boys (accompanied by an accordion, no less), we took the steepest cogwheel in the world back down the mountain and from there headed back to Geneva.

All in all, it was an awesome time.  Today we had class at the UN, and I have a paper due on Wednesday (I won't even tell you how bad the procrastination is, lest my mother's heart stop) and then we leave for Brussels and Paris on Sunday.  This is the life.  No question.  ALSO I'm halfway done with classes!  Only four more weeks left of classes and then we enter the ISP Period, which is 6 weeks devoid of scheduled activity to work on our behemoth paper.  How is this possible?  How is it possible I've been here a month already?  This is passing way too quickly and making me think I'll never be ready to come home...

Wait

Hello everyone!  Tomorrow I leave for Bern and won't be back until Sunday, so I figured I would throw a short thing into the cyberspace to tide you all over.

Things are continuing to be great.  We're definitely getting into the academic part of the semester more!  I have a 10 page paper due the Wednesday after I get back from Bern about threats to international security in the 21st century.  I'm writing about small arms proliferation, which is totally fascinating.  I love being so interested in what I'm studying!  It just makes life so much easier.  Also we're working on our proposals for our Independent Study Project, which is the 30 page paper due at the end of the semester.  It's kind of intense, but we're managing to keep relaxed :)

As I was falling asleep last night, this song came on my iPod, and it just felt so right.  It made me reflect on myself and where I've come from and all the people who have touched my life.  The lyrics just are so accurate to any doubts or sadness in  my life.  (Also, the song makes me think of the first time I watched "Away We Go" with my mom and we got all teary eyed together.)  Here is the song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xy8oKasuXVU and here are the lyrics:

"Feel I'm on the verge of some great truth
Where I'm finally in my place
But I'm fumbling still for proof
And it's cluttering my space
Casting shadows on my face
I know I have a strength to move ahead
But I can hardly leave my room
So I'll sit perfectly still, and I'll listen for a tune
While my mind is on the moon

And if I stumble
And if I stall
And if I slip now
And if I should fall
And if I can't be all that I could be
Will you, will you wait for me?

Because everywhere I seem to be
I am only passing through
I dream these days about the sea
Always wake up feeling blue
Wishing I could dream of you

So if I stumble
And if I fall
And if I slip now
And lose it all
And if I can't be all that I could be
Will you, will you wait for me?

And wait for me
Won't you wait for me?
Please wait for me
Oh, wait for me."

-Alexi Murdoch, "Wait"

"Lend me your eyes, I can change what you see"

...but your soul you must keep totally free."
-Mumford and Sons, "Awake My Soul"

And today, a little self-reflection.  I was reading comments on my blog (because until today I totally forgot about that feature) and saw a comment from my wonderful friend Kalie (hi!) referring to me as her friend who refuses to live in anything constant.  The minute I saw that, two things happened.  The first is that I felt an instant pang of missing her (obviously, who wouldn't?) and the second is that I realized without any hesitation that it's quite true.

A couple of weeks ago, I was talking to Jenn (hi!) and we had a conversation on my penchant for getting bored and moving on whenever things get too comfortable.  As soon as I brought up a couple examples, she said, "Ah, yes.  The Maryn I know and love!"  So this isn't a new characteristic, or one that I'm making up to give myself something to talk about.

I'm both proud of this trait and a little disturbed by it.  What if I can never "settle down"?  What if this lifestyle leads to me constantly having to make new friends every couple of years as I continue to move?  But then again, what if this movement is incredibly formative?  What if it allows me to do things I would otherwise be afraid to do?  What if?

But I'm choosing to exist beyond the "what if."  I can not (or will not) force myself to stay still while I have the motivation to move.  There may come a day when I get tired and am happy to live in one city, in one house, for the rest of my life.  But on that day I want to know that I have lived it up.  Until then, I'm going to think about going to grad school away from my first home and away from my undergrad home.  I'm going to think about joining the International Committee of the Red Cross to go work in the most remote and dangerous jungles.  I'm going to float on the wind, to go where I please.


Enough of that.  Everything continues to be great here.  There's a little girl who lives upstairs who is about 5 by the sound of her voice and loves to sing "Bad Romance" by Lady Gaga.  I can always hear her on the veranda, and it provides endless entertainment.  Yesterday my friend and I literally sprinted to make the train and jumped on after the whistle blew.  Tomorrow we don't have school due to a public holiday and I will thus be exploring Lausanne (also will be going out tonight...again, live it up while I can!).  So clearly, things are not boring here.  My current obsession is picking 20 of my favorite songs to put on a mix CD because everyone on the trip is exchanging music.  I've been working on my list for about a week now, am still adding and removing songs, and am beginning to think I will never be able to narrow it down to 20.  Of course, I SHOULD be working on my paper, but I like to procrastinate.  Some things never change!

Love you all! (Or at least I'm assuming I do, if you care enough to be reading my blog.  Stalkers, I might not love you, but I hope you have a good day.)

World Spins Madly On

I have returned to the world of interconnectedness known as the internet!  My host dad installed the wifi today, and since I have now been here over a week (where has the time gone??) I feel like I can accurately convey the sum of my experiences thus far.

Daily Routine:
I wake up around 7 to get to my bus stop to catch the 8:05 bus.  The stop is really close to my house, and the bus is always incredibly crowded with kids going to the gymnase (which is basically the equivalent of high school) so it's always standing room only.  I get into Nyon in time to meet up with 4 other people from my program and we take the train into Geneva, where we have time to sit around and drink our cafe au laits before class.

My international relations seminar is from 9:30 and 12:30 and is absolutely fascinating.  So far we've had incredible lecturers who are well respected in their fields and still working within their respective organizations.  I'm a little afraid I'll come to wish I hadn't chosen such an academic program (it's pretty intense!), but right now it's a wonderful affirmation that this is indeed what I want to do with my life.  Everything is just so interesting and relevant!

We have from 12:30 to 2:00 to eat lunch and get to French school.  Lunch sometimes consists of going to the grocery store to get supplies for a picnic and sometimes of discovering new ethnic foods in the blocks around school.  It's true, everything is expensive here, but the food is worth it.  Around 1:30 or 1:45 we get on the tram to go to Balexert, which is the complex in which our French classes are located.

French class is from 2:00 to 5:00.  There are six people in my class, so there's definitely no hiding.  The professor is wonderful and speaks only a little bit of English but is great at dumbing down her French for us.  It's helping me to learn, but I just wish I could just know the language in it's entirety already!

After class, I catch my train and then my bus and am home by around 6:15.  Then it's homework, dinner, hanging out, and bedtime!

Host Family:
The Jarriccio family is incredibly nice and accommodating!  They speak French, Swiss German, and Italian. My dad (Alessandro, or Sandro for short) speaks English pretty well, so he helps me out sometimes.  My brother (Roberto) also speaks some English, which is helpful as I struggle to communicate in my truncated French.  However, my mom (Tamara) and my sister (Jessica) don't speak any English at all.  They're very patient with my attempts to speak to them in French and will correct me when I say something incorrectly, which is great.

Living with a host family so far reminds me of staying a friend's house.  It's familiar and it's comfortable, but it's definitely not home.  I do not have total freedom (though, since I am their 5th host daughter, they have very realistic expectations of what I will do with my time) and I am a guest.  At first it was a rough adjustment what with being totally overwhelmed by the language barrier, but now I am truly learning to love it in Eysins and learning to appreciate it for the learning experience that it is.

Life in General:
Everyone in the program is really great.  No cliques have formed really, which is nice because it allows for total social fluidity.  Someone going to a town you want to visit?  It doesn't matter if you've only talked to them once, just tag along!  That being said, real friendships are starting to form and deepen at this point, which makes life so much easier.  I've discovered that sharing your experience makes it easier and more meaningful! Sorry to be the cliche...

Yesterday a group of us went to Montreux.  It only took about 45 minutes to get there by train, and the ticket cost about 21 CHF with our half price pass, which was nice.  It was sooooo beautiful there!  Unfortunately the Montreux Jazz Festival is in July (we checked) but we did get to listen to a mediocre Queen cover band as we ate our picnic lunch on the beach.  I'm pretty sunburned today, but I think it's well worth it.

Short Observations:


1)  Scooters are a legitimate form of transportation here.  From little kids to middle-aged men in their expensive suits (I am not joking), these are everywhere.  Yes, Razor scooters.  It's fantastic.

2) Public displays of affection are much more common here.  I have seen people hard-core making out in a variety of places.  My favorite was a couple on the train who seemed to be in their late 30s.  Her hair was all over the place and he was wearing a white knit turtleneck sweater.  I've said enough.

3) So many people are dressed formally in Geneva.  I like it.  Especially the pinstripe suits with the Clark Kent glasses.  And it doesn't even look pretentious!

4) Smartcar Roadster.  Google it.

5) The chocolate really is worth the hype.  As is the cheese.  The taste is so worth any weight I put on.  I would be ok with 50 extra pounds if it means I can keep eating.

6) Just because you can say a phrase in the language does not mean you can fool anyone.  I can pass as a Genevoise...until I open my mouth.





And lastly:
Check it.
http://picasaweb.google.com/marynb07

Bonjour, Geneve!

OK, so I have 11 minutes left on my  wifi card here at the hostel so this isn't going to be a long or truly insightful post.

My flight over was pretty uneventful... just a few bumps.  I got into the airport yesterday around 10:30 and met up with people from my group.  We all transferred to our hostel at 12:30 and have been undergoing orientation ever since then.  This mostly consists of signing a million papers (including applications for UN library cards and official UN badges for when we go in for lectures.  This may make me a nerd, but I'm super excited.) and then being set free to explore the city.

When we first got here, I was struck by how un-foreign it felt.  Sure, everyone is speaking a different language and it's greener than anything I know, but I didn't feel displaced.  I guess those trips to Argentina and China really got me acclimated...

In a similar vein, I was marveling about how few stares our group was garnering as we walked around the city.  However, this afternoon a ton of people from our group were saying that they were feeling a little disgruntled by the way everyone was looking at them.  Again, I guess it just doesn't compare to China that way!

But I'm not saying that's a bad thing.  In fact, it really makes me happy.  Because this means that when I'm moving through this city - which, by the way, I'm totally falling in love with - by myself, I will be free to experience it as a normal person, not as some tourist floating above it all.

Four minutes left of wifi!  Luckily I'll have internet at my host family's house.  I know this post was probably really scatterbrained, but the past couple days have been a major whirlwind.  I'll be sure to post again when I have the chance.

In short: everything here is incredible.  I miss a lot about home already, but hey, I had to leave summer behind sometime!  And really, the transition from the golden summer to fall semester could really be a lot worse.

Pre-Everything

Pre-packing.
Pre-reading
Pre-worrying.
Pre-missing.
Pre-departure.

In what a matter of a few short days, I will be stepping on an airplane.  This is nothing new, I feel like I spend a lot of time in airports and on airplanes.  Flying between my childhood home of Phoenix and my college home of Washington.  Flying to familiar places around the U.S.  Flying to Argentina, to China, to Italy.  Flying comes naturally to me.  Packing the suitcase, picking up the carry on, removing my shoes and small bottles of liquids for the x-ray machine.  It's all normal.  It's all so very second nature.

And so here I stand.  Scared out of my mind.  Nervous to step on that plane, but knowing that my strong-willed feet will carry me forward without a backwards glance.  Knowing that any fears of leaving the life I know will drop away the minute the plane hits the tarmac in Geneva.  Knowing that hesitation so easily becomes excitement in a second.  Knowing that my friends and family will be a world away and a heartbeat away.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that on the 24th, my mixed feelings (Maryn 1: "I don't want this golden summer to end!"  Maryn 2: "What is life without adventure?  Man up, Johnston.") won't matter any more and will probably resolve.  As much as I'm scared to leave this moment, I'm ready for the next one.  And as soon as my feet carry me through the airport and onto that plane, nothing but the adventure will matter.  All the "pre" will fade away as past and future become present.

Bring it on.  I'm ready to fly away.
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